Organizing: Learning to Let Go

Posted on 02/15/2013 by Joyce

It is sometimes not easy to let go.

When I’m organizing with people, the first step is to let go of what’s not needed any longer. 

One dynamic I encounter is: You feel you haven’t gotten the value out of your items.

Some of this “value orientation” came from (I write this kindly) the depression era and the influence it had on the people who went through it. There has also been a trickle down effect – the impact on folks who were influenced by those who went through the depression. Obviously this is a generational phenomenon with, typically, less impact on younger individuals.

Organizing is a physical, mental and emotional experience. People sometimes tell me they think they should hang onto items until they use them, or use them enough. Sometimes these ideas are more a fantasy than a reality. When organizing, I often encounter people’s unfulfilled or un-lived dreams. 

“Depression era mentality” can also be related to a dynamic called “poverty consciousness” (both terms used with the utmost respect). This often occurs in people who have struggled to meet their needs and don’t trust there will be enough.

Sometimes, in spite of these dynamics, there comes a time you need to let go…

And there’s the other end of the continuum, which is people who “throw the baby out with the bathwater.” These are the folks who get sick and tired of the clutter around them – often it’s clutter others have created – and, at their wits end, pull open a drawer and empty all of its contents into the garbage. I have witnessed this. There’s no checking for what might be recycled or repurposed or (heaven’s no!) repaired. There’s pretty much just anger and finality. They’ve reached the last straw. 

What I suggest is taking a deep breath and a bit of time to get clear and calm before beginning organizing, then thoughtfully sort through items and let go. 

More on this subject next week.

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When is it Time to Organize?

Posted on 02/08/2013 by Joyce

For most folks, it’s time to organize when things have built up to a point that you can’t stand it anymore.

Sound familiar?

Unless – and until – you learn how to move through time and space in an organized way, using good habits, you’ll probably wait until things build up to deal with them. There’s a normal flow with the accumulation of items. You’re busy with work, projects,  kids – and then you start to get uncomfortable. The filing is stacking up and things are getting cluttered. It’s like a wave building up to its peak. Pretty soon you can’t stand it anymore and need to take constructive action to organize and remedy the situation.

Often when folks contact me for organizing assistance, it feels like they’ve gotten to this point. I hear it in their voices. 

I always feel honored when I’m contacted for help. It can be tough to hit your limit and reach out for assistance. At a time like that, you need someone you can trust. I’m probably the least judgmental person you will meet; I show up ready to figure things out and help you simplify and refocus.

Organizing is sometimes a challenge for people because, they say, “it just isn’t in my genes!” Or they never saw it role-modeled; their parents struggled with being organized. If you don’t know where to begin, don’t feel bad. It’s common. And then it’s often hard for folks to deal with the emotions and memories that come up. I help with all of that. 

There’s no magic wand for organizing. It’s an ongoing process and requires some self-discipline, elbow grease and shoe-leather. It’s a matter of making an effort in a focused way. 

When things have built up and you’re ready to sort them out, tell yourself, “I’ll do this for 20 minutes” (or 10 or 30). Once you get started, you can often stay with the task. Get yourself over the “Start already!” hurdle, and the job isn’t usually as bad or as hard as you think.

If you don’t know where to begin, or how to organize, it may be time to contact a professional. Give me a call! 🙂

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Organizing Yourself for Peaceful Personal Growth – Part 3

Posted on 02/01/2013 by Joyce

 When you start organizing your physical environment it affects your mental and emotional environment – and vice versa.

I enjoy helping people with organizing themselves from the outside in as well as the inside out. One aspect of organizing I really love is communication. For example, when organizing, people often “should” on themselves, putting themselves on heavy guilt trips.

In my last two blog posts I shared stories from when I was working in a psych rehab facility. Here’s a story illustrating how, while there, I learned about organizing communication skills:

I attended a weekend seminar taught by Dr. Marshall Rosenberg (www.cnvc.org). Marshall is a brilliant psychologist who’s developed “compassionate communication.” It’s simple, authentic and effective, based on listening to what others need and feel and expressing what you need and feel – and then developing strategies to meet everyone’s needs.

He says we’ve been taught a language based on judging and shaming, perceiving things as attacks and feeling we need to defend ourselves. Here’s an example to illustrate:

Marshall says that if you think your mother is “nagging” you, it may be that she actually “wants to contribute to your wellbeing.” When I heard that “translation” of the word nag it mentally stopped me in my tracks – so to speak – because it rang so true.

I absorbed what I could that weekend and returned to work on Monday. That morning, one of the psych nurses came into my office and began complaining about a treatment plan I’d written for one of the residents of the facility. Rather than respond in my habitual manner (interpreting what she said as a criticism and defending my work), I did what Marshall suggested. I took a moment to listen deeply. I realized that this “cranky” nurse was a really caring person. And that’s what I blurted out, “Wow! You really care!”

My response completely took her aback, and she replied, “Well, yes! Of course I do!” Then she was quiet for a moment and said, “Actually, I’m not upset with the treatment plan you wrote, I’m upset with the director of nursing!! Can we talk?”

That exchange happened more than a dozen years ago. It demonstrated for me in a life-changing way the power of Marhsall’s “language of compassion” in creating bridges instead of walls. I attended many more of his trainings and enjoy practicing compassionate communication to this day. It’s one of the ways I help people with organizing for peaceful personal growth.

Posted in Awareness/Mindfulness, Being Positive, Compassionate Communication, Organizing, Personal Growth, Psychology, Psychology of Organizing | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

Organizing Yourself for Peaceful Personal Growth – Part 2

Posted on 01/25/2013 by Joyce

As I mentioned in my last post, about ten years ago I worked in a psychiatric rehabilitation facility as a residential manager. I was responsible for organizing the services for 15 severely mentally ill residents. I was also responsible for organizing a staff of psychiatric nurses and rehabilitation activity leaders (RALs).

Organizing the residents of the facility was delightful and sometimes challenging. Equally delightful and challenging to deal with  – though in different ways – were the staff.

The nurses and RALs would frequently come to me with their complaints. These discussions were often stressful and not productive. I was left feeling the situations were hopeless and and I’d just had things dumped in my lap.

I knew there had to be a more productive way to approach things, so I created an informal policy where the staff could come to me with all their complaints – with the understanding that after airing their grievances they would offer some solutions. 

Believe me, they weren’t happy about that new policy. Organizing services for the residents required some thought, effort and patience on their part. However, after a while they got used to it – and even enjoyed themselves – “co-creating” solutions.  

They began to understand that I truly appreciated and valued their points of view and input. And over time they told me – in so many words – they felt honored in the effort they were making and empowered in their ability to effect change. Previously they had felt their concerns were minimized and discounted – by me and other management.

This mutual problem solving had the effect of shifting the staffs’ focus from being negative to being more hopeful and positive. It also had the effect of strengthening the dynamic between all relationships: staff with management, staff with residents, staff with staff (they often complained about each other), and management with residents. It wasn’t a fast and easy process, it occurred over a period of many months. The positive outcomes were that the services for the residents improved, we all grew during the process, and it was a satisfying one in which to participate. 

“Healthy discontent is the prelude to progress.”  ~ Mohandas Gandhi

Posted in Awareness/Mindfulness, Being Positive, Change, Empower, Organizing, Personal Growth, Psychology, Psychology of Organizing, Transition Coaching | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

Organizing Yourself for Peaceful Personal Growth – Part 1

Posted on 01/18/2013 by Joyce

Written a gratitude list lately?

The reason I ask is because I used to work in a psychiatric rehabilitation facility as a residential manager. The residents would often come to me with  complaints. I made it my habit to receive them with a kind but clear challenge: They could complain all they wanted, if first they would write a list of 10 things for which they were grateful.

There were 15 severely mentally ill residents living in the “casa” (Spanish for home) with about the same number of staff caring for them. Working there was a challenge at times and also an honor. 

One resident – who I’ll call “James” – was diagnosed with schizophrenia and had a lot to be miserable about. He would come to me on a regular basis with an expression on his face that said, “I’m really unhappy and you’re going to hear about it.” I would receive him with a smile and say, “James, you know how it goes…” and hand him a piece of paper and pen. He’d give me this HUGE toothy grin and take the paper and pen. He’d sit down at the table outside my office and compose his gratitude list. When he was finished, he’d approach the door of my office and motion to ask if he could come in.

For whatever reason, James and I got along very well (this was not the case with most of the other staff members). He appreciated that I was respectful with him and would make an effort to problem solve in a positive way. And more often than not, he’d respond to me with that big smile – despite his very challenging circumstances. 

He’d come into my office and I’d ask him if he’d like to share his gratitude list. He always would. Sharing those 10 items had the effect of putting his complaints into perspective. Sometimes after he’d read to me he’d even say, “Ahhh forget about it… I guess things aren’t so bad. See ya later.” 

I always remember the effect that writing and sharing a gratitude list had on James – and the other residents. The thought of it makes me feel happy more than 10 years later.

It’s why I ask: Written a gratitude list lately? 

It’s a habit of mine that has benefited me enormously. I can easily correlate good days with ones that I’ve taken time to make a list – mental or written – of things for which I feel grateful. I believe this is a key for organizing for peaceful personal growth.

Posted in Being Positive, Change, Create/Co-create, Organizing, Personal Growth, Psychology, Psychology of Organizing | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

Organizing Your Life for the New Year

Posted on 01/11/2013 by Joyce

On my last blog post I asked, “As you create your goals and move forward in the new year, are you organizing your thoughts and feelings to approach people and life with compassion or judgment? Courage or fear? Awareness or denial? Proactive or reactive? Dealing with ‘stuff” or ignoring it?”  

Here’s more on that topic:

Do you wonder how much of fear is learned and how much is actually instinct? I remember being a very small child and following my sisters down to the creek they dammed up to create a pool for swimming. I got an inner-tube and climbed in and was enjoying myself when a water snake swam right by me. I remember being fascinated with it. Much later when I told someone about my experience they responded with a lot of fear. It hadn’t occurred to me to be afraid. 

On a separate but related subject…

Do you wonder how much of courage is rooted in compassion rather than anger? I imagine that courage which springs from an inner foundation of humble confidence and a desire to contribute to life in a meaningful way (rather than simply react and control), would be the optimal way to experience a courageous trusting existence.

No matter what successes you’ve had, when you’re confronted with situations that are unexpected and unpredictable – and for which you have no reference points – if you haven’t developed an adequate inner strength, you may respond with fear and defense rather than trust and a desire to create harmonious experiences and connections.

As you set about organizing your life for the new year,  see if one of your goals can be to create windows rather than walls, and bridges rather than one way streets.

This approach to organizing your internal self can result in positive growth – for you and others – in the new year.

Posted in Awareness/Mindfulness, Being Positive, Change, Create/Co-create, Empower, Organizing, Personal Growth, Psychology | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment